my failings
sometimes i get so high that people seem surrounded in light and shrouded in silence, but man when i get proven wrong, wow. on a couple of occassions it's almost broken me. Not the loss of someone or even the loss of the idea of someone, merely the inherent waking to reality that said person never existed and i am a little more broken than before.
lately i feel that way all the time, but with aspects of my mind rather than people. particularly about my level of knowledge. It's daunting, here i am something so different from what or whoever i was but in complete relationship and perhaps retaliation to what i had been. How'd you like to wake up one day and realize everything you'd been taught was a lie and the only thing you retain of use are your experiences and knowledge without opinion or belief. These are the only things that stick with me as i go through my days, and question belief all you shall you can never truly eliminate it. what am i trying to say?
people are beginning to see it and that troubles me to a great extent. It's in my eyes or something, perhaps confidence but there is something sinister there and one's who cross me seem to catch it much quicker than before. in a positive context it might be refered to as power, but the reactions on others faces suggests otherwise. Perhaps my true calling is nothing but crime, deception and self-interest, or perhaps these things have been honned by a culture willing to adopt a bastard son and a child of minimal means or people to turn to. Why should i turn from something that eagerly embraces me in it's unlieing bossom and has shown me some of the little truth i've known? hate is merely a crutch.
but that's not it at all. my undieing love and belief and self-righteousness lead me to easily be wounded, pricked i defend. simple as cave man philosophy: don't kick the nasty one. Or is it? some say the fate of the wicked is predestined, some say wicked is all dependant on where you stand in the first place. Perhaps my whole social theme and outlook thereof is based on pure defence mechanisms, perhaps all of ours are. what a mind-fuck.
lately i feel that way all the time, but with aspects of my mind rather than people. particularly about my level of knowledge. It's daunting, here i am something so different from what or whoever i was but in complete relationship and perhaps retaliation to what i had been. How'd you like to wake up one day and realize everything you'd been taught was a lie and the only thing you retain of use are your experiences and knowledge without opinion or belief. These are the only things that stick with me as i go through my days, and question belief all you shall you can never truly eliminate it. what am i trying to say?
people are beginning to see it and that troubles me to a great extent. It's in my eyes or something, perhaps confidence but there is something sinister there and one's who cross me seem to catch it much quicker than before. in a positive context it might be refered to as power, but the reactions on others faces suggests otherwise. Perhaps my true calling is nothing but crime, deception and self-interest, or perhaps these things have been honned by a culture willing to adopt a bastard son and a child of minimal means or people to turn to. Why should i turn from something that eagerly embraces me in it's unlieing bossom and has shown me some of the little truth i've known? hate is merely a crutch.
but that's not it at all. my undieing love and belief and self-righteousness lead me to easily be wounded, pricked i defend. simple as cave man philosophy: don't kick the nasty one. Or is it? some say the fate of the wicked is predestined, some say wicked is all dependant on where you stand in the first place. Perhaps my whole social theme and outlook thereof is based on pure defence mechanisms, perhaps all of ours are. what a mind-fuck.
posted by V0b0 at 4:29 AM
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