Gone to play video games, hopefully my world won't be destroyed by the time I get back.

i keep telling myself that everything has to be a revelation. I think i should edit the very simple layout of this site but then i change my mind. i do know enough html and php that i could probably do it somewhat well, seems so pointless. i can barely keep this piece of shit going, like so many other things. the harder i work, the harder i squeeze the more grains slip through my hands.
but like all things that are good about me, you either like the bittersweet or you go fuck yourself ie: you stop reading as of this line, as of the lack of meandering tales, as of the various agendas and my tributes to excess this serves.
But you probably won't stop reading. Not out of your distaste for me or any other self-righteous cause, but merely because it's there, it's something to do. We've all gotten fat and soft and have no purpose anymore.

Two brothers, just for arguements sake lets call them Brothers K, start talking about philanthropy. The eldest brother, lets call him Nikolai, wonders if people actually really care for one another or if simply it is another social conquest. Alexei attributes his brothers distaste for humanity to pure cynicism and a life that's taken so much.
"sometimes it's all slanted. sometimes everything i see: slanted. I lie to you, it's all slanted always!'
"calm your nerves, brother. you have become disconnected, fear is the most base of all emotions, realize this and you shall realize your own life."
"non-sense! i know exactly where i am! the reason i get so emotional over nothing but words is that no one else does! and what does that make me? ahead of my time maybe?'
'try to realize i tell you this in good nature. we understand your position, but you do not care to understand ours. Ours is a world of peace, ours is a world free of fear and revulsion, ours is ours because we relinquish us."
"you can't eliminate self, that's impossible!....perhaps i am being hasty. Of course you are right about selflessness but wrong about self. but you can relinquish fear. You can and may relinquish fear by becoming it!''
"i don't know what you're hinting at, but i don't like it. There's only so much i can remove myself from, and i feel weak."
"but which one of is which in this contest, dear brother?"
"all that you need to know is that i love you, and with no thread am i afraid of you"