George Bush ain't no Don.

The united states government is the ultimate mob. One of the mafia's oldest tricks when disrespected by a particular company or business is very closely related to us tactics in iraq. The mob will buy out the business, force them to conform to their ideals, all smiles on the surface. In the back door comes a whole bunch of items the business doesn't want, particularly because these items are bought on the companies credit or the laundered for tax purposes. In the background, the mob makes all the wrong moves for the company, squeezing out every last drop of profit and alterior motives, while on the surface running a legitimate business. This is how i view 'democracy' in iraq. It's merely a front that everyone knows about while the smiling criminals bring in the guns through the kitchen.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/4321913.stm

it's a little hard to type out anything with any substance while i read Dostoevsky. i keep having waves of depression that wash over my body. It's not all consuming, as would appear usual causality to anyone who reads this on a regular basis or has the distinct pleasure to know me personally. It's a mere wave, gently brushes off my skin, leaves me with a small shudder and passes with unknown laughter. For a few seconds, if that, my whole mind and soul feel connected to an unwavering truth of humiliation. it's akimbo to when you believe in something very deeply, only to have that belief so obviously proven wrong, you don't feel truly awful. You all at once feel relief but melancholy, wishing it could be but happy that you finally know the truth, even if it leaves you in a more negative world.
Perhaps i've come to grips with the lack luster degree of humanity. I'm not a liberal, or atleast wouldn't consider myself one, but plainly we live in a world of grave injustices. Men who continually succeed regardless of character and responsibility, merely good publicists and what most would refer to as luck. But it is not luck! it is our own doing that such people come to power and do the horrible things they do after the realization that they shall not be hung for them sets in. The most troublesome of this thought, is that perhaps under the same circumstances i would (And in the realm of my world where i have limitless power in certain scenarios, have) do(ne) the same.
anyway, i digress. It's odd because i feel so much more, not just now but in general. i can completely see how something is affecting me, how my mood changes or what is going on, as one might with the physical. Pardon my lack of better words, i can only come up with a rough analogy: its like when you stub your toe, you can feel the pain, but you can also sense it, as if you were someone else viewing your body as a whole. That's how i've begun to feel with all things emotional. I feel like i'm watching myself react to something, but at the same time can control the reactions in spite of, or perhaps because of this. This has lead to a clearly more capable and less out-of-control mikey. watch tomorrow i'll snap and kill. i have no choice but to believe this is from my fleeting attempts at meditation, like some madman who believes that the garlic in his lunch cured his unwavering hiccups. Excuse my crude manner, it's how the waves pass so quickly.

there wasn't anything to say!
whoever said life wasn't a game must have been kidding themselves. Life is the game from which all other games are emulated! blah blah blah, more self-indulgent rhetoric! the very definition of this blog goes against who i (think i) am. my posts sound more like long winded gripes about nothing, ejaculated from an overly-ponderous old man.
Think none of it dear reader(s)!
joke.
so many damned liars.
Alpine Skiing

aggressive alpine skiing!
oh nos! for some reason a man in gondohla is trying to snipe you out!

'you disappoint me, maybe you're better off this way'

what did you do? what did you do?
i created, i undid, i stopped, i made reality turn and change today.
what did you do? what will you do?
forget that the thing you now embrace would have surely killed soon.
don't forget that you have good intentions!
all doesn't matter
that you waited for this like an animal
'regardless of how remoursceful one feels, every man in the room felt a certain satisfaction, as all do, when witness to some terrible accident.'
what will you do?
already admitted ignorance,
rational is irrational, hold those more responsible in contempt!
your perfect(ly?), normal!
because after all
you are big, brother.

captain hindliners new menu!

eeeoar
"arrrr! every see a naked man before billy?"
in case you haven't noticed, these are some weird-ass fish. everywhere i've been lately on the intraweb has some story about man eating squid or other nefarious evil-doers. check your links, we could be looking at something else to hate other than americans.

teehee 

iseeyou 

wtf2 

neato 

wtf 

heyheyhey 

mecha-godzilla 

ba barracus 

mr t 

a picture says a thousand words 

i'm so emo.

i can't seem to define a mentality. perhaps 'evil' would be most suiting. i can't decide if it's ok for me to begrudge something i did as well. Words shall be said, carpets burned, the delerious irreverent. I can't decide if it's ok to not actually care about the ok and exploit everyone as the sycophants that they are. After all, they are practically begging me too. Exploitation is all a matter of definitions and rationalization. I'm convinced that rationalization is the ultimate ying and yang-cluster fuck of society. It allows mere mortals to commit atrocities in the name of war. it allows mere mortals to commit atrocities in the name of fun. I wonder how much i can dance on that line and have society (maybe a God of sorts?) tolerate me. Odd that so many people read this shit like it was hidden smut in a dessert of catholics.

Had i been born centuries ago say in China, the more open minded and free thinking i was, the better i would've been viewed. Born in europe in the same time, or perhaps here a century ago, i'd be a heretic and cast out, forever to be without teacher or tool. Nothing changes.

it gets so hard to believe in a particular desire when everyone punctualized by it and every example of it i see is either corrupt or destroyed. How can i believe in what keeps breaking? faith? bah! i scoff at such ignorance. The only faith a man truly has is the power of his own two hands and the realization of movement and change.
So if all changes, how can one belive?
Can i merely accept that it will end and change and be undone, as part of the process in all it's beauty i suppose. Or i could do like everyone else, believe in a mud-thaw state of time where perfection is sanity riding off into the sunset with a compassionate lover.

A vent, to injustices past and present. To all the lies i tell myself, to all the lies i'm told. To all the wicked doing harm and the innocent receiving it. The eyes of the wanderer are full and accept your judgement. Judge and you shall receive me, receive us, receive the failure of your pregnancy.

lock picking and you

a book about lock picking taught me more about the world. it explains that in order to truly be good at picking a lock, one should seperate themself from their body and concentrate only on the insides of the lock, as if you were inside of it. Basically, you want to project your senses into the lock to receive a full picture of how it's responding to your manipulations. We've all used this power, working with something small, moving something in the dark, or err, picking a lock!
You put your mind inside, you feel the inner workings, you block out the world around you. Using both your hearing and your touch as secondary to your inner feeling of the mechanism, what a complex series of actions for something we all do. Perhaps it comes from childhood, tediously assembling toy batman's arms inside of his torso. bam! the lock opens, robin's loins pop into place, you find the remote buried under the couch and so ends your mysterious power. your ability to see with something other than your eyes dissipates, and you move on. But what if? What if you could take that power, invert it to your entire life!? Not feeling oneself (teehee *sNoCoNeS*!) in the world, but feeling the world around yourself. Suddenly, all your senses are secondary to the feelings of the movement of the earth. You could see yourself as tangable, breakable, alive. Want nothing more.